12 May 2012

Why Does this Love Stuff have to be so Hard?


John’s Gospel was a lot easier when it just talked about how much God loves us.  It was a lot easier before Jesus started complicating things by asking us to love each other.  It is a lot easier to tell ourselves that Jesus loves our neighbors and that’s good enough than it is to realize that Jesus has asked us to love our neighbors.  It’s a lot easier when we get to be the recipients of someone’s love, easier to point out where someone has failed to love us as they love themselves than it is to see how we have failed to love others as we love ourselves.  Do we really know what that looks like?  If we think it’s easy, if we think we’re good at it, and if we think we’re already doing it, I think we’re kidding ourselves.  If this is the case, why, then, have we been confessing many of the last few weeks, “We have not loved our neighbors as ourselves?”  This is really hard stuff. 

‘“The history of the church and of individual communities of faith suggests that to love one another may be the most difficult thing Jesus could have asked.  There are many circumstances in which it is easier to love one’s enemies than it is to love those with whom one lives, works, and worships day after day.”   The intensity of the conflict in which many churches and denominations are presently (and perennially) engaged attests to the wisdom of this observation.’[1]

And no, this does not specifically refer to GLBT issues, nor does it specifically refer to the Call to Common Mission, nor does it specifically refer to whether or not women ought to be ordained, but it involves all of these.  It involves all of these, but it also involves St. Peter, specifically and particularly.  How many times have the walls of this church heard conflict?  How many times have the walls of this church witnessed pain and separation?  How many times have the walls of this of this church mourned the loss of someone who glued the community together?  And we get farther and farther and farther from each other.  We get farther and farther and farther from loving each other.  Having all been hurt, whether we carry pain from our pasts or pain from our presents or fears of our futures, we lug these around, and sometimes we decide to sling them at our brothers and sisters at church.

I think this is the hardest thing that Jesus has ever asked us to do.  The hardest thing he has ever asked us to do is to  continue coming to church, even though we have been hurt.  The hardest thing he has asked us to do is to allow ourselves to love and to be loved again, even after so many times of having been broken down, of having been hurt despite our good intentions.  Jesus knows we cannot grow without each other.  Instead of allowing us to cut ourselves off from the vine each time we are hurt or each time we hurt someone, Jesus tells us we cannot abide in him unless we abide in each other.

That’s the hard thing about Jesus’ love.  Abiding in Jesus’ love does not mean abiding in Jesus’ love for us as individuals.  Abiding in Jesus’ love means abiding in Jesus’ love for that person in church that we have a really hard time loving.  Love one another until it hurts.  Love one another even though it hurts.  Love one another even though you have tried so many times you just want to give up.  Love one another even when you don’t want to.

Thinking about this kind of love reminds me a lot of my mother.  Having raised four headstrong and independent children, we sharpened our teeth on our mother’s love.  She loved us relentlessly, almost desperately.  My mother could not cut any one of us off, no matter how much she wanted to at times, because it would have been like cutting off her own limbs.  Like a mother, desperately trying to love her teenage daughter even when she pushes her away, we are called to love each other during our ugly moments.  Like a mother, who sees her children ready to fly on their own, we are called to nurture each other and, when we come back bruised by our efforts to do it on our own, we are called to bandage each other up.  Like a mother, who rejoices as she sees her children raise children, we are all called to rejoice in each other’s joy and hold each other’s hand in times of sorrow. 

What would St. Peter look like if we did this?  How would it feel to be church?  What do you think would happen in our ministries if we joined together and were known for the church that will love anybody?  I don’t know about any of you, but I feel something like a surge inside me.  I feel anxiety and excitement and terror and a little bit of, “But how will that look?”  I think this is the way it feels when the Spirit looks at us and says, “It’s go time.”  This love looks at each of you and says, “I am never going to give up on you.  You’re stuck with me loving you forever.” 

These words are written on the wall in one of Mother Teresa’s homes for children, and I think it is good reminder for all of us:

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
 Love them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. 
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies.
 Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
 Be good anyway.
Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable.
 Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
 Build anyway.
People need help, but may attack you if you try to help them.
 Help them anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
 It was never between you and them anyway.

God has called all of you here.  He has brought you, with all your joys, with all of your sorrows, with all of your hurts, and with all that you are.  Christ has commanded you to abide in his love, but not just in his love for you.  Christ has commanded you to love one another.  This isn’t necessarily the fuzzy bunny kind of love, that loves you when you do the right thing or when you say the right thing or when you are kind.  This is the love that is messy, and it goes so deep that it hurts.  It will break your heart over and over again.  It will be hard.  Nowhere in the Gospel does Jesus say, “This love stuff is so easy, y’all, you should really try it!” 

I think the hardest part of all, though, is to allow yourself to be loved.  “Sure, you love me now,” you say, “but you don’t really know me all that well.  If you only knew, you’d run so far and so fast…” and so we turn love away.  This is like refusing to hug the toddler who runs up to you, barely able to keep his balance because his chubby little are stretched out so far and his smile so big it takes up his whole face… It doesn’t matter to that little kid what you did or where you’ve been; he loves you simply because of who you are, warts and all. 

This love is more than a feeling; it’s more than an emotion.  This love is the enactment of our faith in Christ.  It won’t be easy, and sometimes it will seem impossible, but nothing is impossible for God.  God can take a broken church full of broken people and teach them how to love.  If that’s not accomplishing the impossible, I’m not sure what is.  So, here’s to the impossible!



[1] Frances Taylor Gench, “John 15:12-17,” Interpretation, April 2004: 181.

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